9 Funniest Rejections of All Time

Rejection ahead

You know what they say about comedy coming from deep pain. That’s I why I laugh at rejections. Below are my nine top funny rejections. Be on the look out for these standbys; they may show up in your “in box”!    1. The rejection used to repair furniture “When my office was moved yesterday, your enclosed manuscript emerged from underneath my desk. I am sorry.” Hey, it’s okay to use my manuscript to prop up your desk!  2. The rejection for something you did not even write “Thanks so much for being kind enough to return the errant manuscript you received from us. We’re thinking perhaps one of your envelopes attached itself to the wrong manuscript.” 3.  The rejection for a fan letter sent to a favorite author A friend of mine wrote a fan letter to author E.L. Konigsburg, and got it back from the publisher – rejected. 4.  The one-minute-per-book rejection I once had ten picture book … Read on

Pamela Jane is the author of over thirty books from board books to memoir. She is also a writing coach, freelance writer, and public speaker. Learn more about her by booking a school visit, perusing her blog, or reading her memoir, An Incredible Talent for Existing: A Writer's Story.

Dream Your Way to Writing Your Memoir: Five Tips

“Dreams are real while we have them; can we say more of life?” –anonymous My seventeenth year was a nightmare (a waking one!) My parents were in the middle of a bitter divorce, my mother had recently had a nervous breakdown, and my dad was having an affair. Late at night, through the heating vent by my bed, I could hear my father’s angry voice and my mother’s sobs in the downstairs rec room. It was a painful and volatile time but my older brother, who was away at college, kept urging me to keep our parents together and our family intact. I had no idea how I was supposed to accomplish this. Further more, I didn’t want to. “I’m not interested in all this parent shit,” I wrote back. “I just want to get out of here.” It would take me decades to discover that this was not the voice of a callous teenager but of a heart-broken young … Read on

Pamela Jane is the author of over thirty books from board books to memoir. She is also a writing coach, freelance writer, and public speaker. Learn more about her by booking a school visit, perusing her blog, or reading her memoir, An Incredible Talent for Existing: A Writer's Story.

You Think it Can’t Happen? How My Two Picture Books Were Stolen by a Major Publisher

Open Mind

When I was in eighth grade I wrote two short stories for our English teacher, Mr. Mortem, a malevolent-looking man with a low brow and small beady eyes. We joked that he moonlighted as an axe murderer. But he was even scarier as an English teacher. He snapped girls’ bras in the hallway and terrorized us with menacing-sounding exams called “evaluations,” which turned out to be ordinary multiple-choice tests. When we turned in our stories, Mr. Mortem said he didn’t believe I’d written mine. How would he know? All he’d ever seen of my writing were checkmarks on his “evaluations.”  He also didn’t know how disenchanted I was in school, or how passionate I was about writing. “I’m going to keep this story so you won’t try to use it again in high school,” he said. My stories, according to Mr. Mortem, were too good for me to have written.Inside, I was seething.Just wait. Someday I’ll be a real writer. … Read on

Pamela Jane is the author of over thirty books from board books to memoir. She is also a writing coach, freelance writer, and public speaker. Learn more about her by booking a school visit, perusing her blog, or reading her memoir, An Incredible Talent for Existing: A Writer's Story.

5 Ways to Celebrate the Publication of Pride and Prejudice

Over 200 years ago, on January 28th 1813, Pride and Prejudice, one of the most popular novels in English literature, was first published . Pride and Prejudice has sold over 20 million copies, and continues to be studied and written about by scholars, and relished by readers everywhere. Film versions of the book, literary adaptions, spin-offs, and spoofs continue to explode and proliferate. “5 Ways to Celebrate the Publication of Pride and Prejudice” is a a celebration of the vivacity, spunk, and independence of its 21-year old heroine, (a true feminist!) and the brilliance of her creator. 1. Liberate Your Inner Elizabeth Bennet! Elizabeth Bennet, the feisty heroine of Pride and Prejudice, is witty, self-assured, and a keen observer of the oddities and eccentricities of human nature. “Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can,” she famously remarked. We can’t all be brilliant, witty, and self-assured, at least all … Read on

Pamela Jane is the author of over thirty books from board books to memoir. She is also a writing coach, freelance writer, and public speaker. Learn more about her by booking a school visit, perusing her blog, or reading her memoir, An Incredible Talent for Existing: A Writer's Story.

Just Wait! A short story rejected in grade school becomes a cause of action

In elementary school, back in the 1950s, we were never given writing assignments, and I never imagined there were any living authors. I pictured a cemetery filled with tombstones of my favorite writers with their last names first, like card catalogs in the library: Baum, L. Frank 1856-1919. Writing – the pleasure of articulating interior worlds sensed but not seen – was something I did on my own. I was in eighth grade before I got a chance to write a story for school. My eighth-grade English teacher, Mr. Mortem, was a malevolent-looking man with a low brow and small beady eyes. We joked that he moonlighted as an axe murderer. But he was even scarier as an English teacher. He terrorized us with menacing-sounding exams called “evaluations,” which turned out to be ordinary multiple-choice tests. But he was the first teacher to give us an assignment to write a short story. “Remember,” Mr. Mortem called as we filed out of class, “no stories from TV!” I hardly heard him. I was … Read on

Pamela Jane is the author of over thirty books from board books to memoir. She is also a writing coach, freelance writer, and public speaker. Learn more about her by booking a school visit, perusing her blog, or reading her memoir, An Incredible Talent for Existing: A Writer's Story.